Hello, long time no see, huh!? Through the past months, I've struggled to see the vision for this website. When I started this in August 2023 I was visioning myself as a plus size mom becoming an influencer. As the months went, I found this really hard to do. Yes, I can come with opinions and perspectives sometimes, but becoming an influencer was and is not something that I want to pursue. So, that's that. I'm not an influencer. Right?
I do, however, still want to start my own business, I still want to work online. So, I started my thinking, going over my business plan, vision and narrowing down what type of niche I wanted to focus on. It all came down to why I started this blog in the first place. You see, during the summer 2023 my man and I had a really though conversation, I want to have another child and he really does not.
With my first child I was studying to be a teacher, I kept studying the day after we came home from the hospital and by the time my toddler turned two I had finished my master's degree. Those two years was though, I became mentally ill, my man had to take full perantal leave (and could do so because I was studying), later I've learned that I have hormonal imbalance wich again had me struggling a lot as a new mom, but still, I kept studying to make sure that we could buy a house and start our dream life. Those two years was intense for both of us.
After that, I was working full-time as a teacher. I become so focused on my job that I started to prioritise it over my life, my toddler, my man, and my dogs. Until I no longer felt connected to anything. Until I was lost in feelings like mom guilt, sadness, exhaustion, emptiness and so on. My workplace has been great, they have met me and listened, but the problem was within me. I needed to learn how to prioritise myself. So after going to therepy, and taking some time for myself, I now see that the last four years has broken me because I have done nothing for myself. To learn what I like to do and set aside time for myself only focusing on me, to learn that in fact, I have time for me.
But, back to that though conversation. Realising that my man doesn't want another child, created a sorrow in me, because I have been dreaming about this second child, picturing myself being calm, collected and experienced. I saw myself being able to relax (as much as you can with a newborn and a toddler in house) because I would be able to take parental leave and not do anything else other than taking care of my children. But now, when suddenly that might never happen I became desperate to create something that would give me something similar. So we made a deal. He would really think this through the coming year, and let me take as much time I needed to create this website, in hope that it will some day generete som income, so that I can work less and be able to be more home and present for my child.
Being a body positive mom influencer was not the right call, I somehow started to make time for myself but it was affecting me negatively, hence why I haven't been active here. So, what to do? I realised the other day that maybe this blog should be about my struggles, and I struggle to make quality time for myself. That's what I've been practicing the last few months. Why not share want I have learned, what types of activites I do in my alone time.
Will we have another child? I don't know. But I do want to create a space for people struggling to find hobbies, making time for themselves, and I want to inspire people who feel like knitting and crochet is to time-consuming as a hobby, and show that there are so much more one can do. I know how important it is to set aside time for what I like do to, all on my own. To create space where my only focus is me. So, I will not be an influencer per say, but I hope to influence you to prioritise quality time for you, and give you alternatives to hobbies you can pursue
Love,
Silje
Add comment
Comments